Sad isn't it? 37 years old and I have no idea who I am.
I have been thinking deeply about this lately. Trying to work out exactly where I fit in in this world. And I still have no idea.
I came back from Tassie cos I thought I belonged here, with family. That didn't work out. Mum is the only family I see often. And don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for that. I love her heaps. She is my rock. But I hardly see the others. And I think that I am so different to the rest of the family that I really don't know where I fit in. I'm not saying this in a bad way. Its just the way I am. The way things are. We are different. And that is a good thing. We are individuals. The only bad thing about it is that I don't know what to talk to them about sometimes, and I think its vice-versa with them. They probably don't know what to talk to me about. I also think that I am becoming a loner. Maybe thats the way its meant to be. I mean, I'm always going to be alone, so I may as well get used to it now.
I'm sorry. I am still struggling with the big black cloud. I'm actually careful what I write here as family and friends know about this blog. Although I don't know if anyone reads it. No one leaves comments. I don't think anyone reads it now. But I will still post my real in depth thoughts on my other blog. The one that only I know the address of. The one that only I read. Its where I can really be me, and just let it all out.
I really hate this depression. I don't want to do anything apart from sleep, play on the net, and watch tv. I don't want to go out. I don't want to visit anyone. And when I do see people, I just pretend I'm fine.
This is so hard, and I just feel like I'm all alone. Maybe, like I said before, because I always will be alone.
1 comment:
Hey short arsed sci-fi freak ;o) Congratulations!! You are my first follower to my site. I have added you down the left side of Distortrait and should be joined by others in the futurre. Hope all is going well and you continue to enjoy the stupidity. Cheers Frank Distortrait
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