I got this off a post in livejournal....
Step 1: Put your iPod player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 32 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
1 - You say somethings got a hold on you
2- Girl one....talk to me
3- Hey driver, where we goin'
4- Driven round in circles for three hours
5- The light ... it flickers
6- Some sign of forgivness, some form of relief
7- When you are losing direction you can depend on me
8- Tonight I feel so weak but all in love is fair
9 - I wanna feel just like before, before the rain came in my door
10 - Hello did ya miss me, I know I'm hard to resist
11 - Told me you were lookin, said I shouldn't look at you that way
12 - I don't believe in temple faith
13 - I can't see me in this empty space, just another lonely face
14 - Well I'm standing here looking at you
15 - I'm walking around , feels like a thousand ways I could fall
16 - I just can't believe it was all a lie
17 - Living here without you is not an easy way of life
18 - Hey hey honey when I'm without you I get a shiver up and down my spine
19 - Hitched a ride out of nowhere
20- Read my lips I'm into you
21 - American people with marvelous hair
22 - It feels so far, so far away
23 - Why was I the last to know
24 - Going down the hard road
25 - So please let me come to you and stay this time
26 - You know every time I look at that expression printed on the page
27 - We got winners, we got losers
28 - Did I disappoint you
29 - You're so complicated
30 - The cold has a voice
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Help me! Help me! I don't know who I am!
Sad isn't it? 37 years old and I have no idea who I am.
I have been thinking deeply about this lately. Trying to work out exactly where I fit in in this world. And I still have no idea.
I came back from Tassie cos I thought I belonged here, with family. That didn't work out. Mum is the only family I see often. And don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for that. I love her heaps. She is my rock. But I hardly see the others. And I think that I am so different to the rest of the family that I really don't know where I fit in. I'm not saying this in a bad way. Its just the way I am. The way things are. We are different. And that is a good thing. We are individuals. The only bad thing about it is that I don't know what to talk to them about sometimes, and I think its vice-versa with them. They probably don't know what to talk to me about. I also think that I am becoming a loner. Maybe thats the way its meant to be. I mean, I'm always going to be alone, so I may as well get used to it now.
I'm sorry. I am still struggling with the big black cloud. I'm actually careful what I write here as family and friends know about this blog. Although I don't know if anyone reads it. No one leaves comments. I don't think anyone reads it now. But I will still post my real in depth thoughts on my other blog. The one that only I know the address of. The one that only I read. Its where I can really be me, and just let it all out.
I really hate this depression. I don't want to do anything apart from sleep, play on the net, and watch tv. I don't want to go out. I don't want to visit anyone. And when I do see people, I just pretend I'm fine.
This is so hard, and I just feel like I'm all alone. Maybe, like I said before, because I always will be alone.
I have been thinking deeply about this lately. Trying to work out exactly where I fit in in this world. And I still have no idea.
I came back from Tassie cos I thought I belonged here, with family. That didn't work out. Mum is the only family I see often. And don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for that. I love her heaps. She is my rock. But I hardly see the others. And I think that I am so different to the rest of the family that I really don't know where I fit in. I'm not saying this in a bad way. Its just the way I am. The way things are. We are different. And that is a good thing. We are individuals. The only bad thing about it is that I don't know what to talk to them about sometimes, and I think its vice-versa with them. They probably don't know what to talk to me about. I also think that I am becoming a loner. Maybe thats the way its meant to be. I mean, I'm always going to be alone, so I may as well get used to it now.
I'm sorry. I am still struggling with the big black cloud. I'm actually careful what I write here as family and friends know about this blog. Although I don't know if anyone reads it. No one leaves comments. I don't think anyone reads it now. But I will still post my real in depth thoughts on my other blog. The one that only I know the address of. The one that only I read. Its where I can really be me, and just let it all out.
I really hate this depression. I don't want to do anything apart from sleep, play on the net, and watch tv. I don't want to go out. I don't want to visit anyone. And when I do see people, I just pretend I'm fine.
This is so hard, and I just feel like I'm all alone. Maybe, like I said before, because I always will be alone.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
The joys of depression
Hi again
Here's something that some of you don't know about me... I have depression. What I want to know is why we hide it? Why do we pretend? I know I do. I even pretend in front of family. They know I have it, yet they don't see it. I even pretend in front of my mother, the one person who I feel closest to. Are we ashamed of it? I know others with depression, and they hide it too. There is such a bad stigma attached to it. Like its something bad. Like we SHOULD be ashamed. Why should I be ashamed that I have a chemical imbalance? If I had cancer I wouldn't hide it. I don't hide my disability, so why should I hide my depression?
Maybe subconsciously I worry that people will judge me for it. Think that there's something wrong in my head (besides the obvious - ha ha!) That maybe I am psycho. Or that maybe I am weak. Can't handle the real world. Oversensitive. Overreact. The last two I have actually been told that I am. And by people who I thought would understand. I know that I think too much. I over analyse things. I always have. And believe me, I hate it.
Then there are the people who think you should just "snap out of it". Yeah right. They don't understand how powerful this illness is. How it rips at your soul. It eats away everything that makes you who you are.
I can understand how people with severe depression can commit suicide. I can understand how they feel. How they just want the torment to end. They wake each day to a new battle. Each day....a battle. And they just get sick of fighting it. You lose the will. The strength. I have even contemplated it. I know how I would do it. But I wouldn't. I have been around when someone attempted it, unsuccessfully. And I saw what it did to the people who would have been left behind. I couldn't do it to my mum. For her, I keep fighting.
Now I don't want you all to think that all I think about is topping myself. Because I don't. I'm not that severe. I still want to fight. I still look for that light at the end of the tunnel.
I just hope I find it soon.
Here's something that some of you don't know about me... I have depression. What I want to know is why we hide it? Why do we pretend? I know I do. I even pretend in front of family. They know I have it, yet they don't see it. I even pretend in front of my mother, the one person who I feel closest to. Are we ashamed of it? I know others with depression, and they hide it too. There is such a bad stigma attached to it. Like its something bad. Like we SHOULD be ashamed. Why should I be ashamed that I have a chemical imbalance? If I had cancer I wouldn't hide it. I don't hide my disability, so why should I hide my depression?
Maybe subconsciously I worry that people will judge me for it. Think that there's something wrong in my head (besides the obvious - ha ha!) That maybe I am psycho. Or that maybe I am weak. Can't handle the real world. Oversensitive. Overreact. The last two I have actually been told that I am. And by people who I thought would understand. I know that I think too much. I over analyse things. I always have. And believe me, I hate it.
Then there are the people who think you should just "snap out of it". Yeah right. They don't understand how powerful this illness is. How it rips at your soul. It eats away everything that makes you who you are.
I can understand how people with severe depression can commit suicide. I can understand how they feel. How they just want the torment to end. They wake each day to a new battle. Each day....a battle. And they just get sick of fighting it. You lose the will. The strength. I have even contemplated it. I know how I would do it. But I wouldn't. I have been around when someone attempted it, unsuccessfully. And I saw what it did to the people who would have been left behind. I couldn't do it to my mum. For her, I keep fighting.
Now I don't want you all to think that all I think about is topping myself. Because I don't. I'm not that severe. I still want to fight. I still look for that light at the end of the tunnel.
I just hope I find it soon.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Short note....
I haven't written here for a while. Two reasons. One is because I have such a boring life that I don't really have anything exciting to write about, and two is because I have been feeling crap lately and didn't think that my mood would come off well here. I have been putting a lot of effort into fighting the black cloud that is sitting on my shoulder lately. I don't know how successfully things are going, only time will tell I suppose.
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